And the superlative for flattest and fattest goes to... the Midwest

We spent a Monday night in Chicago at Keith's friend's place. This night happened to coincide with a ridiculous Monday Night Football Game involving the Chicago Bears. The Bears (undeservingly) won and the city went into a synchronized seizure after the game. I think I even saw a grandmother running down the streets topless... not sure. it may have been Mike Ditka.

Keith and I pushed off early on Tuesday morning for what was to be our longest day of the trip. We winded our way through Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota and South Dakota, all of which were flat, boring and decidedly not bumpy. Keith and I nearly went insane while driving in South Dakota, and ended up in Murdo, SD at a Super 8 motel for the evening.. In no way was that depressing..

We woke up to two inches of snow and ice on the road, but we mustered forward anyway, knowing that the Badlands and Mount Rushmore were ahead of us.

If I had two recommendations in life, they would be: 1) go to the badlands. (or at least look at the pictures of someone who has been to the Badlands) and 2) Don't go to Mount Rushmore.

A timeline of our trip to Mount Rushmore:
10:30AM: Keith-"is it worth it to get off the highway and drive 30 minutes to see the face of 4 dead presidents on a granite wall??" Stu- "Probably not"
10:31AM: we get off the highway.
11:00AM: arrive to the front gates of Rushmore. (ps. we can see the faces from the entrance) 11:00:15AM: Pull in and see a $8 parking fee and assume that there is another entrance fee for each individual.
11:00:20AM: Stu looks at No U-TURN sign, looks at keith, they nod at each other and stu pulls a U-TURN
11:00:25AM: Stu looks at a DO NOT ENTER sign and enters
11:00:30AM: Stu sees a red light and NO LEFT TURN sign and runs turns left running the red light.
11:0040AM: Stu sees a NO STOPPING AT ANYTIME sign on the side of the road and stops the car so he and Keith can quickly take pictures.

In the matter of 1 minute, I violated 5 traffic laws. And in no way do I regret it. It was the best decision of my life. Mount Rushmore is not worth $18 American dollars (this assumes an individual park entrance fee of $10.. not sure if there was one).

The badlands were badass. Probably the most uninviting geographical landscape you could ever imagine. (not unsimilar to the asteroid in Armageddon- that underappreciated movie where Bruce Willis saves the day and then Ben Affleck makes out with Bruce Willis' daughter (Steven Tyler's daughter in real life) right after Bruce dies).

At this point in the trip, Keith and I were listening to John Steinbeck's book on tape "Travel's With Charlie" about a road trip cross country with his dog. Steinbeck described it best, saying: "I felt as though I shouldn't even be writing about the Badlands. They were a place I would rather be at night, instead of day."

Keith and I took several pictures next to the "Beware of Rattlesnakes" signs and continued on our way.

Side note: we were roped into the most effective advertising campaign in modern history: WALL DRUG.

This stupid outpost of a store advertised via billboards for the entire length of South Dakota. However, they never actually said what Wall Drug was. Instead, they would have a sign saying "$0.05 coffee.. WALL DRUG" or show a cowboy next to "WALL DRUG" or show a blond cowgirl straddling "WALL DRUG". It was remarkable. And yes, we definitely stopped and bought two wall drug hats. I also bought some Old Spice High Endurance Deodorant and gum.

Next post: Wall drug to Bozeman, Montana