"I am sorry sir, we are going to have to ask you to go hump yourself"

After 40 hours of bus rides, I made if from Bolivia to a Chilean City named Iquique. I had a flight the next day from Arica, Chile (5 hours north of Iquique by bus) to Santiago, but I knew my flight made a stop in Iquique. Mmm.. the wheels were in motion.

Effectively, (and to make this more U.S. friendly) I was in Washington D.C. and had a flight the next day from New York City to Atlanta with a stopover in Washington D.C. As a major in Economics and a graduate of nursery school, I knew it was in my best interest to ask the airlines if they could change my ticket to embark from Iquique, rather than Arica. This seemed quite reasonable, and I believed my pleadings that I had just endured 2 straight overnight buses and the thought of another 5 hours on a bus to Arica ONLY to return to the spot I am right now made me suicidal would more than cripple the heart cords of the lady working at the airline desk.

In addition, I winningly (eventually losingly) pleaded that I had ALREADY paid for the seat of the first leg and they could re-sell my seat on that flight if they preferred. Afterall, generating revenues for big, greedy, face-less corporations is something I strive for.. (So too is halitosis, scurvy, hangnails, a heavy dose of thalidomide to curb my future pregnant wife's morning sickness, male pattern baldness, etc..).

Understanding my dilema, the lady at the counter said she could ABSOLUTELY help me out for a change fee of $160. My rambled thoughts at this moment in time: "WHAT THE F! Are they kidding me with this $160 bull$hit? The plane is going to stop in Iquique anyway! It's not like I am causing them any inconvenience! In fact, I am one less person to give their shitty peanuts to on the first leg of the flight! Not to mention, I smell gamey as hell after not showering for 2 days and the lady sitting next to me on the last bus was comparable to an incoming tide in terms of slowly sneaking her oversized body over on to me/my seat. I paid for my seat. She didn't. (I should have asked her to compensate me a percentage of the ticket fare commensurate with the percentage of my seat she occupied). Similarly, I think she shattered my clavical when pinning me up against the ice cold window.. I can hardly contain my excitement for my first Sahne Nuss..

After the thought bubbles dissipated, I suggested that it would be cheaper to buy a one way ticket from Iquique to Arica for $50USD, and then fly from Arica BACK TO IQUIQUE and then on to Santiago. She said "Yes, but that would be stupid."

If I knew how to say "you just proved my point asshole" in spanish, I would have been dropping that line like Mr. & Mrs. Jackson dropped Michael as a baby.

Long story short, the 5 hour bus ride was the perfect night cap to 2 days on a bus, and I was utterly giddy with resentment when we stopped over in Iquique today on my flight to Santiago.