Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat Coagulated Cowblood Sausage

As Americans (and I am making the general assumption that all four of you who read this are of U.S. origin, especially since you are (in alphabetical order) my: Brother, Dad, Mom, Sister), we live structured day to day lives and enjoy rigid scheduling that allows us to know WHERE we are going to be WHEN we going to be there. We believe punctuality is a virtue and tardiness, in addition to being a funny sounding word, is a personality flaw. (ps. when is someone going to invent the word partiness/partyness?... or fartiness for that matter?)

At some point in our lives, we have all been told to show up 5-15 minutes early for an appointment, interview or experimental medical treatment screening that pays $50 per day if you are a good candidate and don't eat too many of the free donuts. Similarly, how many times have we wanted to bludgeon the decreer/messenger of the old adage: "the early bird gets the worm!!" (Even if said bird DOES get said worm, it CAN'T taste nearly as delicious as their gummy counterparts).

Well, in Bolivia (and the rest of South America for that matter) they have NO concept of being on time. Their motto is more akin to: "the early bird gets to wait for the other birds because all the other birds don't give a shit, and if you DO happen to eat the worm, you can rest assured you will vomit and/or diarrhea for one calendar day". This is because South Americans are very adaptable and volatile plans are the norm. (and their food causes tummy problems).

I mention this because I have been trying to meet up with my New Zealand buddy in Santa Cruz for the last few days, and every time I tell him to meet us somewhere at say, 11AM, we get in the car at 1pm to meet him.

This is where I postulate that South American's need cell phones infinitely more than U.S. Americans. At least in the states we make plans with rendevoux points and meeting times, and typically stick to our appointments. Here, if you tried to meet up with friends without a cellphone, you'd always be that person at a bar sitting alone, and when people ask if they can grab one of your unoccupied chairs, you'd respond: "Sorry, my friends are coming" and then look around to confirm that you are searching for your friends. The worst part about it is you don't have a cellphone or the accompanying games to pass the time while your friends are standing you up.

On the topic of eating worms: I ate some sausage last night and after I swallowed it, my friends informed me that I had just consumed coagulated cowblood sausage. Later that night, I squirted an entire tube of colgate triple action toothpaste in my mouth and burned my clothes.