The Lima Report

My friend, Christy, had her passport stolen in Cuzco and thusly, she had to take an immediate trip to Lima to the U.S. Embassy. I didn't have to go, but since my grandparents used to live there and it is a major South American City, I figured I would tag along. Plus, I had to see for myself how dangerous it was. (And if necessary, some ass kicking would have to be penciled in).

As it turned out, Lima was great. I don't know why. The landscape of the city looks like Hartford, Connecticut*, there is a constant cloud cover that hasn't lifted since March, half of the cab drivers are looking to pick you up and drive you to a far off place, rob you, steal your clothes and then make you sing Rod Stewart's "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger" while sitting indian style on glass. Ok, Lima may not be great, but I think the timing of the visit was exactly what I needed after 4 days of camping.

The first night in Lima, we were on a strip of the City that could have been lifted, shipped and placed on any length of Route 1 in the U.S. and nobody would have blinked an eye. Our hotel the first night was strategically placed adjacent to a Pizza Hut, 3 KFC's, Burger King, McDonalds, two Shopping malls, 6 casinos, Hush Puppies and Payless shoe stores, and two movie theaters.

The second night, we stayed in the touristy part of the city, which was located on the cliffs overlooking the ocean and had a boardwalk/retail/restaurant area that could only be designed by Tommy Hilfiger, Donald Trump or some other entirely American person/brand/tool. I was happy though, as I got to watch the World Cup consolation game in Hooters, directly before watching "The Lake House" at the Movie theater, all the while contemplating whether I was up for a game of bowling or the Casino afterward. I chose the casino. I would love to see how badly the American Critics ripped up "The Shit House" (A movie with Keenu and Bullock, and another bus somewhat prominently involved).

*This is not a good thing