Waldorf Astoria...? No. Econo-Lodge...? No.

I arrived to Pucon, a town in Chile where the typical hostel bed costs between $12-$20 per night. Since I majored in economics, I elected to book my stay at the $6.50 per night hostel. I believe it was Hugh Grant who said; "you get what you pay for."

While Hostel Del Lago does have regulation bed frames, it neglects such things as; a front door, heat, real mattresses, a back yard that isn't a swamp, an alert attendant, etc. From the moment I walked through the front entryway thingy, the worker has been playing some medieval knights video game and celebrating to himself whenever he kills dragons. Perhaps he is going for a new record, in hopes of outdoing that 28 year old South Korean guy who played "starcraft" for 50 straight hours and then dropped dead of exhaustion (True story).

To take a shower at 'Hostel of the Lake', you must first walk outside, second, turn on the hot water heater and third, pray it works. The process of making hot water spew out of the freezing cold spigot was described by the owner (not the video game nut) as "very easy." He lies.

Upon viewing his demonstration, I felt like I was just shown how to diffuse a bomb or someother thing that takes many intricate steps to accomplish but I can't think of right now. First, you must turn the valve on the gas tank on, and then, making sure all of the heater knobs are facing east, you gingerly draw the left knob in a counterclockwise direction 1/8 of one full turn and push down. This action is immediately followed by flicking the right knob back and forth to ignite the pilot light, all the while you are to be standing on your left foot with your index finger pointing to the top of your head and spinning 360 degrees per 15 seconds. This is followed by a sweeping turn of the left knob to a horizontal position, and WALAH!, a massive fire ball erupts right in front of your face* and it's shower time. Where I promptly scolded the hell out of my back.

Other items that you won't find in 'Home Magazine' include the skylights with no glass or light, but rather the metal sheeting of the roof showing, a mini fire place that emits heat at a rate commensurate with a high quality zippo, or foam camping mats for mattresses placed on wood planks 5 inches apart. (If this mattress description makes any sense, you can imagine how uncomfortable it is.. And how awesome I slept).

Anyway, I can deal with the accommodations, as my sole purpose for visiting Pucon is to Climb a Volcano, slide down a Volcano and depart Pucon. I have been here for 5 days and all three of these things have yet to occur. Apparently, you can't hike when it is raining, or when the climbing agency cancels your trip on two consecutive sunny days because the guides don't show up. All of this means more QT with dragon boy.

*This reminds me: When home during a college break several years ago, my friend Malcolm and I were grilling steaks (mostly because they're delicious and partly because we didn't know how to cook anything else). Unbenounced to me, Malcolm turned the gas on approximately one minute before I moseyed over to the grill with a matchbook in my hand and a bushy set of eyebrows. Thinking I had started the flow of gas, I extended a lit match in the general direction of the grill. The match was still about a foot away from the cooking apparatus, when the fire cloud imploded in my face, making fast work of the split ends on my bangs. When the fire puff cleared, all I could hear was Malcolm buckling in laughter. As I am sure you were all wondering; the steaks were divine.

ps. QT= quality time.