Hermes, you have some explaining to do..

Having left the comforts of American Athletics on TV, a city of neutral attractiveness and plump seals, I find myself on the mystical Island of Chiloe, Chile. While it is evident they thought long and hard about what to name the Island, it might not be so obvious that the rest of the Chilean society believes everyone on the Island is crazy.

Aside from rain 12.5 months per year, Chiloe is best know for its deep rooted mythological stories and characters. The Island, which is dotted with farms and fishing ports, is accessed only by ferries, and since Islanders typically endure many hardships (and have ample time on their hands), Chiloeans have cultivated some of the most absurd mythological creatures since that guy who stole a herd of Cows from Apollo 5 minutes after being born. Come on. How long does it take to cut the umbilical cord..?

One of the more intriguing characters allegedly roaming the Island is Trauco. This fellow is described as a gnarly, strong and mischievous Gnome, skilled enough to kill a man with just a stare, and suave enough to seduce a woman with only his irresistible repugnance, even impregnating her at times. In short, if the father isn't known, Trauco did it.

In the U.S., we don't have to fabricate mythical figures like this. Thanks NBA Players Union.