Endlessly smelly Germans

I may have stumbled upon the most entertaining person in the world (not named Jeremy Grey). He is german, not young and besides a massive hygene problem, he made my weekend in Valparaiso. Some friends and i went to this coast town (likely named after Valparaiso University in Indiana), and we stayed at typical hole in the wall hostel. When we got there, we split up the girls and guys, and the three of us guys took a 4 person room hoping no one else would show up. No one showed up. Instead, someone was already there. That somebody was Thomas (pronounced Tomas), a white haired German of about 55 (maybe 70) years, who was quite possibly the worst smelling person in South America. With little exaggeration, the room smelled as though he had been pooping in tube socks, tying the open ends into knots, and hiding them throughout the room.

Thomas was quick to suggest that the 4 of us go out and enjoy some spirits, and more importantly, persue women. Actually, it was more like: "Yes. Valparaiso goood. i have bar we go tonight for to meet girl. last night i met girl. yes."

Thomas´ travel gear included a beat up metal frame back pack, a sleeping bag probably used by General Lee during the civil war (likely not washed since then as well) and a walking stick. As we made our beds between trips to the hallway for air, we learned that Thomas was traveling through South America on his way to Antartica. When I pressed him for his intentions in Anartica, he said he didn´t know.

He then laid down on the uncovered hostel mattress and took a nap. It was noon.

Unfortunately, we did not go out with Thomas that night. Instead, we were out until 5:30 in the morning at a club named "El Huevo". ("The Egg"). I secured my position as the worst dancer in the club relatively quickly, and also waited at the bar for a drink for 30 minutes while the bartenders were not very busy. I eventually found out that you need to purchase drink tickets at the front of the club to get drinks.

When we arrived to our hostel at 5:30am, i was surprised to see a man stumbling down the road in the general direction of our hostel. Not only was this man a guest of our hostel, but he was also our 4th roommate, Thomas. At the front door, I asked how his night was, and twenty seconds later he uttered something to the affect that he couldn´t talk now, but the ladies had been amazing. With that, he disappeared up to our outhouse of a room.

With the sun poaching down through the windows at 9am, i opened my eyes to see Thomas dead to the world, sleeping with his dress shirt and sweater still on, an eye mask over his face, and a pair of blue tighty whities. He was sleeping with no covers on the bare hostel mattress. I nearly threw up.