He-man would like to be added as one of your friends!

Have you been roped into filling out one of these "online profiles" for a social networking site yet?? If not, wait. They are taking the world by storm. And by storm, I mean by virus. It is getting ridiculous. For the last two days I have been informing no-one in particular what music i listen to (FM because I don't own any CD's if you must know), who I would like to meet, the brand of toothpaste I use, that I don't like ryan seacrest, someday I will have children, etc.

After looking back on my profile, I find it amusing that I don't even resemble the person I present on the profile. But I guess that is what the internet is there for these days. Deception. Especially for those absolutely undeserving of life loosers who fish for underage people to stalk. They deserve their own very special place in Cancun, Mexico*.

But even more remarkable, is the number of people using the sites; especially the impressionable youth of america. Myspace.com is attracting over 50,000,000 monthly users, and in it's relative infancy is already worth many billions of dollars. The CEO is a 22 year old kid. I am 25. This makes me ask myself "what am i doing with my life".. And the answer: trying to get in on the social networking craze, cause if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and hope you don't go broke in the process.


*my own personal hell.

The only thing more expensive than New York City is repairing my car so it passes inspection

New York City is the city that never sleeps. Which means we get along famously, because I suck at sleeping too. Quite probably, the only difference between New York and I is that I can be done (visited) for less than $100 a night.

I was down there last weekend for a joint birthday party for my college friends. And if you are wondering, YES, two guys threw a joint birthday party for themselves. A little fruity, sure, but if you have taken a recent look at the abundance of pastel objects hanging in Chad's closet, your query can be laid to rest. . .

Actually, Chad is quite straight. So too is how my friends and I drank the off-tasting Southern Comfort on Saturday evening.

Two things amaze me everytime I go to New York:
1) The number of people who own and use Roller Blades.
2) The dating scene. We all remember college- You go out, everyone lives within a reasonable distance of the party or bar, and when you meet someone on a romantic* level you tread about 200 yards to the closest persons dorm/apartment/house and make out. Hook ups are so easily facilitated by habitational proximity in College... Add a few million more people, more money, fancier clothes, apartments without pee-stained couches or Bob Marley posters into the equation and what you get is New York City. In closing, NYC is a glorified co-ed summer camp for adults.

* in no way do I suggest that romantic encounters were the norm. It was typically two people who were coherent enough to stand, yet wishy washy enough to misplace 3 or 4 of their functioning motor skills.

Just because I have SICK overalls doesn't mean you can put me in a cage.

I keep having this recurring nightmare where I arrive to school naked and every points and laughs at me.. I guess it's a good thing I am so buff.

My closest guess to what a liog looks like

It was just an innocent gasoline fight

You are all very lucky I returned home. This is because I am the leading good luck charm (according to unnamed sources and Veronica Corningstone) when it comes to gas prices. When I left the U.S. in February, the regular gas price was about $2.65/gallon. It was as high as $3.21/gallon when I returned in mid-August and in less than one month, my presence has obviously led it to drop to $2.47/gallon (at "Gas with a Smile" in Somerville, MA), with more wiggle room to go. My educated guess is that it will be free my mid-november.

Other reasons you may be lucky I am back in the U.S.:
-You have relatives or friends in a foreign country.

-Hanging out with someone who is unemployed and looking for a job boosts your self-esteem and general self-worth.

-You have an affinity for under-performing burgundy stationwagons

-Nomads cause you great joy and/or you are having a party and need to boost your attendence level. Last weekend I was in San Francisco and this weekend I will be in NYC for a B-day party and the weekend after I may be in San Fran for a website Launch party. ps. Maine isn't close to either of those American cities. Nor is it close to vetoing the Hawley-Smoot act.

Stu's Tips for Travel: Part Uno

Rules 1 through 5:

1) If you are a guy: never travel in a group with more women than men unless you like complexity. Self explanitory really. This is especially true when going out to a restaurant and you don't like dessert because girls will continually ask you why you aren't ordering dessert and then they will turn back to their female counterparts and say things like "GUYS don't like dessert!", "why don't guys like dessert?" "I LOVE LOVE LOVE Chocolate... And cheesecake... and nugget" " I can't believe he didn't order dessert". The upside is there is a few moment of undistilled silence when the desserts arrive.

2) If you are traveling alone, be wary of who you choose to travel with. It's easy to start traveling with someone, but it is infinitely more difficult (legistically and amiably) to ditch them. It is especially vexing to discover someone's unlikability on the first day of a 4 day tour in a claustrophobic automobile in the desert.

3) Don't expect to find love in a Hostel. This is no slight to the female backpacker population (excluding the unshaven hippie ones of course), but the likelihood of finding a reasonable match, and then ensuring the clothes on her body have been thoroughly washed within a reasonable timeframe, and then wooing her, and THEN convincing her to shimmy up to your top bunk in a smelly room of 7 others (at least 5 of which are snorring uncontrollably) and then making out with her is less than optimal.

4) Buses are a necessary evil. You will be uncomfortable, you won't sleep, you may get peed on, you may be standing for an extended period of time, 3 to 4 screaming kids will be encroaching on your personal bubble of space, and if they aren't, a large person will. You will not be able to go to the bathroom at your leisure (unless you take the peeing on people approach like the little kid who found my foot to be an appropriate urine receptical), your bus will likely break down, you will be cold at night, you will probably get to watch "White Chicks" in Spanish, and if you take ambian you will need to either puke or diarrhea (allegedly). BUT, on the flip side, it is cheap and sometimes you get to where you want to go.

5) Citizens of Latin American countries don't use clocks, schedulers, calendars, alarms, palm pilots or any other instrument that might lead them to arrive somewhere on time. This is a good thing to know. Especially when waiting in the seedy part of town for a pick up. Rule of thumb: If they say 8pm, add a day and a half.

I need a vacation from my vacation from my vacation..

Yes, I know, I am a massive brat for having all this vacation time... But, even though I haven't been gainfully employed since 4:30PM on January 26th, 2006, I am overly exhausted and need about 2-3 days of down time which hopefully includes the complete second and third seasons of "Entourage" on DVD. (Or at least Laguna Beach)

I have had a great reimmersion to the US. I had one week of family vacation, followed by a bachelor party weekend, followed by one week of vacation with my high school buddies, followed by a lobster bake, followed by me being as sick as crack addict because I haven't had a good night sleep since 7:00AM January 25th.

I have managed to sleep unproductively in 56 different beds since the end of January. However, I am optimistic that my bed-hopping will stop soon. (ps. And if you are just tuning into the blog, please do not think that I am some womanizing man-whore. I am talking about sleeping in beds because of travel necessity, not female companionship. pps. get your mind out of the gutter.)

Since I have been home I have had lobster 5 times. I missed those goofy bastards.